Today we learned about getting out of our comfort zones, taking risks. That on the other side of every risk we take for the Lord is another HUGE chance to see His abundant grace and love for us. If we don't take these risks we could never know what all the Lord has in store for us. I look at my experience with treatment and see how the Lord has blessed me IMMENSELY through the risk of coming out of my comfort box and telling people I had a problem. Because I took that risk, I am now healing, learning, and growing. If I wouldn't have taken that step I'd still be stuck in the huge and lonely pit I was in. These past couple of months I've been facing the overwhelming reality of John 10:10- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it TO THE FULL." Before I went to Remuda, I was alive, but I wasn't TRULY living. I couldn't get out of bed, much less take care of myself. It was all I had left in me to ask the Lord to save me from the crazy mess I was in someway, somehow. After many weeks of praying and struggling, the Lord pretty much told my parents about my eating disorder through me. I just woke up one morning and knew what I had to do. I had to tell them. And I know that moment changed the rest of my life. It was less than 3 weeks later that I was in inpatient treatment. The Word says the Lord won't give us more than we can handle....well, I couldn't have handled one more day without treatment. His timing (as always) was perfect. He has supplied me with INCREDIBLE resources to help me overcome this uphill battle- ABSOLUTELY AMAZING doctors, nurses, MHT's, therapists, nutritionists and dieticians, family, friends, and fellow patients. God has worked through EVERY PERSON in my life to reveal Himself to me in so many different, awesome ways throughout my treatment. I've seen Him everywhere. What a TRUE blessing.
One of the hardest parts for me through these past several years of battling depression and eating disorders has been giving up my own dreams and desires. Realizing that my plan (although comfortable and seemingly "the best") wasn't the best after all. Letting go of the things I thought I "should" do, or "must" do to be happy led me to realizing that God's plan is WAY better. I see now that the cookie cutter life I planned out for myself isn't the perfect life, the perfect life is the one that follows the path the Lord has for me...roadblocks and all. It has been through these times of immense struggle and pain that I have most seen God's abundant grace, understanding, purpose, tenderness, wisdom, and great love for me. This is when I HAVE to get into the Word of God, because it is all I have to hold on to...and yet it is MORE than enough to fulfill my soul and innermost desires. It's been a painful but ultimately BEAUTIFUL road I've been on.
I feel this song depicts parts of my journey all too well!....
My hands hold safly to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now You're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me.
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me.
-"Surrender" by: Barlow Girl
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2 comments:
Praise God for His deliverence! Laura, you know who you are in Christ. I pray that He continues to show you that every morning as your eyes open, so that not a breath goes by without His reminding you of your salvation and His grace. I love that song and have cried listening to it many times. Thank you for reminding me to look only to the Lord no matter what else happens. I love you.
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” -Japanese Proverb
I love you Laura! I know that God will hold you as many times as necessary and is probably holding you now. I'm glad that your faith in Him is as strong as always and know that you are in my prayers and I'm here for any help you may need.
~Mirt
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